So my dad's trying to convince me that I should come up with some work to put in the UNTHSC gallery thing. I really don't think I have done anything that belongs in an art gallery. Of course if I tell him this he just goes "of course you do" and seriously it's not just that I don't think I'm a very good artist (I'm not) it's mostly an issue with the kind of art I do. Which is to say, sort-of-anime-style fanart. Virtually every single piece of artwork I have is of a character from some manga or video game, and they usually aren't even very inspired compositions. I'm having trouble believing that is the sort of thing that belongs in a gallery outside an anime convention.
Though I've never talked to any personally that I know of, I know there are people in the world who believe only drawing fanart is a waste of talent. There are those that bitch and moan about "yet ANOTHER anime fanart posted" or whatever. Honestly? I don't even believe I'm a real artist. I don't know how to be a real artist. There is no deep meaning in anything I do, because I'm too dumb to understand things like that. Everything is pure aesthetics.
Setting the style aside, there's still the fact that it's all fanart. It still kind of bothers me that there's barely anything in my portfolio that isn't, but it's not like I had anything else to work with, and it's not likely I ever will. I've already accepted the fact that I am not creative enough to have my own characters with their own stories to tell. Every once in a while I think, "Maybe if I had original characters I'd be more popular" but seriously any characters I try to crank out as a means to that end are just going to fail. I can't make myself care about any characters that I create. I'm terrible with every single aspect of creating characters, from naming to personality to setting. I am just not a story teller, and I never will be. And you know what? I'm not about to try to force myself, because if my reasons aren't simply "I have a story to tell" then there's no point in telling a story.
Anyway, the main point of this was supposed to be that I don't know how to tell my dad why my "art" doesn't belong in a gallery. Very little of it is in any format worthy of a gallery in the first place, since pretty much most of what I have is digitally colored prints not meant to be larger than 8.5x11, most of which I don't even like anymore. He says it's a great way to get my art out there, but I have to ask, out where? Who's going to see it? Those people who instinctively go "anime isn't art" and discount it immediately? People who decide it's "like that Pokeyman stuff"? A bunch of people milling around waiting for their next class, looking but not really? The likelihood of anyone who'd be in my theoretical target market seeing it is pretty slim, I think.
It probably doesn't matter anyway. I already told my dad I didn't have the money to get anything matted or framed, which is entirely true, and while he said he could come up with money to do that, I fully expect him to not bring it up again if I don't keep replying to his e-mails. I don't know if I should just go along with it just to be like, "There, I did it, nobody cared" or what. At the very least I suppose I could get him to pay to get something matted so I can have it to put in an art show somewhere where people might care.
sick
worried
accomplished
depressed